I confess

I have been pretty much an irritated annoying person for quite some time now, with everyone actually... my very recent episodes are especially when my sister comes home...I’m behind her life saying do this.., do that.., why did put your clothes there??!!, switch off the lights when you are out of the room!!, finish your work first and then watch TV and blah blah blah… doing this every day or I must say every second I finally made her shed tears..My heart sank…I really hate to see her cry, I can’t do the Consoling, I’m horrible at it...People who have known me for quite some time probably must have realized that and I hate that part of me….

And then I’m Guilt Struck for what I did…AGAIN… I hate the Guilt Feeling when I do something wrong, I know I have done a mistake and then when it comes to accepting it, I take soo long…there is a lot of thinking, planning and “gut” gathering, yes!! Guts to come out of the ego clashes and at times to come out of the after effect fear… and during all this it take a lot of trouble to put up a nice smile on my face...Sure, it’s the guilt effect….

Hmmm!!!...I hate it but I still do it, accepting my mistake of course. No matter what the after effect turns out to be, but the guilt free feeling, I feel is the best feeling at that point of time. And I love that…!!!

In fact the cause to all the mishap is usually the “I think I’m right” thought and trying to tell people what to do and wanting them to do it in my way…I don’t know if this is some kind of phobia, whateva it is right now I just wanna convince myself by sayings its normal with a lot of people ….Because…

…I’m so used to telling people what to do and what not to do (I’m very good at it, not proud of it thoughJK)… Sometimes I wish I could zip my lips BUT!! you know I already feel I do selective talking, so it’s alright to say what has to be told ( of course in a polite and a nice way)….There are times when I see the “why does she act like she is the perfect one??” look on peoples face..Believe me, it doesn’t even bother me one bit, but it does bothers me quite a lot when the same dialogue is narrated and that’s when I begin my journey to be a perfectionist which ends before I realize it started. Dissapointment!!!!!......

Any way’s that’s not the point now. What matters to me is I have made my point by saying what I had to say, at least that won’t keep bothering me again…

What I’m Proud of is, with all the fuss I make, I still accept my mistake and make sure I don’t do it again, though my ego hurts.

 Sure I love me for thatJJJJ

Confess!!!!